Somebody should start a blog about ludicrous explanations for unexplainable things . . .
Have you ever noticed just how quickly carpets get dirtied again? Honestly.
I can wash my car inside and out, hood to trunk, and vacuum the whole carpet. I can even vacuum beneath the floor mats, even in those hard to reach places between the front seats and the center console.
The carpet at my house. It gets dirty just as quickly as the carpet in my car.
You know, I don’t believe there’s a single un-awkward method for reaching those gaps and crevices. I’m on my back, arms curving up and over, head mashed against the seat, and legs sprawled and protruding beyond the open car door. It’s an embarrassing situation, and I bet those do-it-yourself car service areas make that much less money because of it.
Anyways, after all the hustle, bustle, and awkwardness of vacuuming, it’s a mere three days (if I’m lucky) before the whole carpet is teeming with little specks of dirt and leaves and straw (What in the world? I don’t even live on a farm!) and rocks and all kind of unimaginables.
It just doesn’t make sense. I can drive everywhere by myself, not even have passengers in the back seat, and still, the whole carpet is equally dirty and nasty.
There must be some explanation, but I doubt I’ll ever discover it.
Some people say, “If you can’t beat them, join them.” Well, I say, “If you can’t explain them, then make up some ludicrous explanation that will allow you to live in peace.”
So, my theory is to follow.
Carpets are kinda like children that, when neglected, will start exercising (usually) strange and inappropriate behavior until they get the attention they need. Carpets realize how easy it is to be taken for granted when you’re on the floor, underneath people’s shoes and feet all day. I mean, ever heard the expression, “Don’t let people walk all over you.” Well, carpets and mats and rugs can’t help it. That’s their job.
So, to compensate and ensure they receive the attention they need, they have mutated and developed the ability to grow dirt. Humans grow fingernails and leg hair. Carpets grow dirt. They do it for the attention; they do it because they know what it takes to survive. It’s simply a carpet conspiracy.
(This is a repost from a blog I used to keep, and the name of the entry was “Carpet Conspiracy.”)